I just read the most incredible Myspace profile.

I cried. This person had something terrible happen to them in 2009, and they poured their heart out to Myspace. So I wrote this person a letter:

Dear XXXXX,

I'm a single guy a little bit older than you. I've never been married, no kids, probably can't have any anyway. I've been stuck in a rut for quite a few years, I've lived a dead end life for a while. The last 5 years I have embarked on a project of self improvement. Well this summer I had an epiphany. I learned so much about myself so fast it was scary ( At 1st I had no idea what or what was going on). I learned to not feel guilty about loving myself, bad self esteem went out the window, I learned what was triggering depressive episodes in me, how to spot the triggers in real time and figured out how to reverse their effects, dumped 51 years of emotional baggage all in 6 weeks. I'm not the person I use to be.

I guess I'm a late bloomer.
SO I decided to start a blog about my experience, and I've been pouring my heart out. Its been cathartic, cleansing, empowering, invigorating. My firend Ehrick told me my new blog was quite bold, riske. And then I read your blurb on Myspace. I am stunned. You're bold, pouring your heart out like that to whoever.

Heres my first blog entry

http://loveandrenewal.blogspot.com/2009/10/story-of-personal-renewal.html

And this one explains a bit more

http://loveandrenewal.blogspot.com/2009/10/ive-been-stuck-in-rut-living-my-own.html

I'm not sure what happened to you, I don't need to know either, but after reading your blurb I really wanted to reach out to you and say hi.

Roger Fox

Dear stranger, I know from what you've written you're very brave.

My love for myself has taken over....... my life.

On September 15th, 2009 in mid epiphany, not sure if I was going crazy, not knowing if I could hold on to who I was, I started to realized I was in the middle of a good thing, I didn't know what it was, but it was good, the crazy waves of emotional joy and trauma started to slow in frequency and intensity. So I called my Mom. I tried to tell her what I was going thru, and you know what, she understood what was happening to me more than I could have hoped for.

A few days later we talked again, I told her I had learned about depressive triggers, things I did, or let be done to me, that in essence turned my spirit towards depression, and how I had learned to see these triggers much quicker and earlier. My Mom told me of a conversation she had over 40 years ago with a marriage councilor, that went something like this: when you start to feel like your getting down you need to play some uplifting music, music that compells you to dance. For my Mom that was Latin music ( I remember my Mom played Mariachi music ), she told me that I needed to do something like that. I told her I already was! (KTUFM, 103.5 & 97.7 in NYC metro area play some great dance music, freestyle, house, remixes and mashups)


Its now Christmas Eve, I really have my gift for this year, my freedom. Freedom from being depressed, freedom from sabotaging myself because of poor self esteem, freedom from not feeling guilty that I love myself. Let me tell you, the second half of my life is going to be a real Pissah........

I wish you could see me now, I have this great big smile on my face because I know that love has taken over :-).

Kelly Rowland Live in Bulgaria performing When Love Takes Over"

The song that is the inspiration for this blog, the song that brings a smile to my face, to my heart, to my soul, every time I hear it, every time I sing it. Kelly Rowland in Bulgaria performing an awesome version of "When Love Takes Over", you might note that Kelly sings just the title to start, and before she finishes delivering that one line the entire crowd is singing with her, testimony to the power of her number one Billboard dance hit to make people dance and sing along, and feel good. Don't forget, When Love Takes Over we all know how good it feels! Thanks to Kelly-Rowland.net for making this quality audio available.

zSHARE - Kelly-Rowland.net 04 Loop Live 2009 - When Love Takes Over.mp3

2 different places

I have a friend who is recently divorced, and is thoroughly enjoying her freedom. And has great difficulty seeing where I am, Never married, wanting to find "that girl" and take that plunge.

I believe in true pure love, she's like , what evah....

I know, I can, I will, fulfill my dreams

Sometimes I feel the need for some hi energy music and empowering and self affirmational lyrics.

It's a difficult world and you have to prove
That you're ready and you can do it

And when I feel that desire to be uplifted, when I want feel compelled to raise my arms over my head, move my hips and dance with all that I am, one of the best songs ever is Living Joys, "Dont Stop Moving". Sung by Tameka Starr (Doris Diggs), this song always cranks me up to Warp 9, give it a listen, your Dilithium Crystals will never feel better, lol!




I truly wish I had more of this ingredient in my soul when I was a younger man, but theres no time for regrets, no place for blame, theres no time to waste in the second half of my life, I've got to get it right.......

Oh yeah

Oh yeah...

You've got to

Oh yeah

Oh yeah...

You've got to get it right



You can do anything that you want to do

With your mind body and soul

Do it, prove it to yourself and say

I want (I want)

I will (I will)

I can do anything

It's a difficult world and you have to prove

That you're ready and you can do it

Nothing in this world can stop you

I know I can I will forfill my dreams



Don't stop movin'

Keep it up

Keep on movin' get it right

Yeah you've got to get it right

Oh yeah oh

Don't stop movin'

I it's your life

Keep on movin' get it right

Yeah you've got to get it right



You can be mystical magical

Physically phenomenal

Good to go

Not slow

Feel the heat and let it flow





You've got to get it right

Break up songs

I think the first break up song I "got" was Gloria Gaynor's I will survive, recently covered by the Pussycat Dolls.
I think a vital part of moving on after a break up is the self affirmation. Whitney Houston sings it real nice:

It's not right but it's okay
I'm gonna make it anyway
Pack your bags up and leave
Don't you dare come running back to me
It's not right but it's okay
I'm gonna make it anyway
Close the door behind you
Leave your key
I'd rather be alone than unhappy

But I'm gonna make it anyway. Because my soul is just that good, and any good woman is going to feel my soulshine and know that with just one touch... she'll wipe that past away.....
Self affirmation, knowing you love yourself makes it so much easier to stride right into your future. The future is where I'll find the woman who has that one touch...

I meant it, I'll love you fore ever

And it still holds true. After all thats happened in life, my first true love has stayed with me for over 20 years. That crazy intense pure love you showered me with is still there, in a special place, nice and safe. I'll carry that love with me as I move forward, as I love again, and again.

I've put you up on a pedestal, and then knocked you down. But when all is said and done I've loved, hard fast pure and true. I recognize the same in other couples, not all, some, and its not rare, but its not common. And its something I experienced after only dating you for a few months. Intense pure love.

I know these things are real.

Mujer latina son las más bellas del mundo Me considero una persona muy alegre. La edad de un hombre de la apertura de la puerta del coche de su fecha, y teniendo en su mano cuando sale no es una época pasada. Como ya someterse a una renovación personal, recuperar mis sueños, el papel de los dados del romance, en medio de la peor crisis económica en 70 años sigo siendo impulsado a diario en mi búsqueda del amor verdadero, puro.

Some disparate points:
This summer I started a period of renewal for me. I believe in love at first sight, it happened to me once, though it took me 4 dates to realize it, :-). I was raised by a single mom and I only want the kind of 50/50 emotional relationship she ultimately found and still enjoys to this day. I want that higher level of communication, where phrases, and body language can mean whole paragraphs, and that results in no arguing. I want to find a woman who has a beautiful heart & soul, a soul that has a pleasant flavor.

I've had these things before, I know they are real. All this, a great smile, incredible eyes, hips & legs will start a fire in my mind body and soul.

Sweet anticipation. Waiting for tonight, When you would be here in my arms

Waiting for Tonight by J-LO. I listened to this song on the radio the other day, it was played right after Kim Sozzi's "Feel your Love Tonight" and the dual themes of renewal and the knowledge that I love and will be loved, brought me to tears of joy.

Like a movie scene
In the sweetest dreams
I have pictured us together
Now to feel your lips
On my fingertips
I have to say is even better
Then I ever thought it could possibly be
It's perfect, it's passion, it's setting me free
From all of my sadness
The tears that I've cried
I have spent all of my life

Waiting for tonight, oh
When you would be here in my arms
Waiting for tonight, oh
I've dreamed of this love for so long

I want that higher level relationship based on a higher level of communication, where phrases, and body language can mean whole paragraphs. I want to find a woman who has a beautiful heart, a beautiful soul, a soul that can please me.

I've had these things before, I know they are real. All this, a great smile, incredible eyes will start a fire in my mind body and soul.

The age of a man opening the car door for his date, and taking her hand as she steps out is not a bygone era. As I undergo a personal renewal, reclaim my dreams, role the dice of romance, in the middle of the worst economic crisis in 70 years I remain buoyed daily in my search for true, pure love.

So ladies if this 51 year old man (who can pass for mid 30's, 32 inch waist, 170#'s, 5ft 11) seems remotely like your thing, then seek me out, I could be showing up at your front door on a rainy evening with my umbrella as we make our way to a night of dancing.

Getting over that old flame

I hadn't really thought about Michele much over the years, but the summer of my epiphany brought back much in the way of memories, desires, blame and regrets. I wondered when it would end, and this week it started to fade. The bad news is the girl I experienced pure true blue love with, willingly walked into an abusive relationship, years later divorced and looks to be dating a man built like her father, who taught her that abusive behavior is love, in the first place.

That is not the beautiful girl I knew. Its real hard to desire her, as gorgeous as she looks at 48 years old.

Today I spent the whole day thing about this girls profile at match.com, 49 years old, shes from Long Island, my old stomping grounds, but 40 miles from Montclair NJ. But now I'll have to pay for a membership, just so I can send her a message.

A song of renewal by Kim Sozzi

Former Mynt singer and solo artist Kim Sozzi has a strong hit on the dance charts. Sozzi shows her song writing chops with a touch of melancholy in her lyrics reminiscent of the of Everything But The Girl's "The Desert Miss The Rain", but Sozzi starts at a darker place before the story of renewal unfolds:

All that time alone made me go insane
Wasn't hard to see i had lost control

After reliving every traumatic emotional experience in my life, over and over, during the summer of 2009, I wasn't sure I was sane during this process, I couldn't control it, it was just triggered and the process flowed thru me, cleaning out 2 decades+ of emotional baggage in just 6 weeks. Every old girl friend finally started to become a ghost, every dirty trick my father pulled on me became faded.

Holdin on to pain made it hard to breathe
Couldnt get away from my memories

I realized my memories of my first pure true love Michele had held me back from ever achieving that same higher level relationship with another woman. And the best way to put those memories in their place is to make some new memories:

Then you wiped my tears with your soothing touch and you flew my past away

Sozzi describes how a "touch" took her memories away, I'm taking this as good advice, no regrets, no more blaming me or others, just me, a new man moving forward with a good emotional base

Wanna leave the past behind..

Kim Sozzi will be performing at the Empty Bottle Saloon in Middletown New York on October 16th, 2009.

An acoustic version of When Love takes over

Kelly Rowland performs an acoustic version of "When Love Takes Over" at the Biz Sessions for The Sun UK.

Recorded 15th June 2009 in London, UK



While over at KellyRowland.net....

I've been stuck in a rut, living my own Ground Hog day.

Monday morning July 27th I had a dream. I was in an apartment building and this guy was helping me look for my old first true love, Michele. He told me she lived in the building. Everyone who lived in this building were all girls that were 5 foot four with dark hair. One by one variations of my old flame were walking into the building. I woke up very disturbed, it was an extremely powerful dream. I realized what a total waste I had been, as I must have been in denial, and never faced the facts. I got very pissed at myself.

This was the start of an emotionally powerful sequence that had me on the rocks, not sure if I was losing my grip on reality. 30 years of bad experiences pounded me into the sand, like I was at the beach and the waves were overwhelming me.

September 15th I came up for air.

A story of personal renewal

I am a new man, during my 51st summer I learned to love myself. Kelly Rowland's song "When love takes over' is now my song, her song has become my anthem about beating that little boy with bad self esteem. I threw him under the bus, hopped in the bus and pulled K-turns over him until he was paste, his ghost still haunts me, but only rarely.

Love has taken over my life, love for myself. I'm smiling a lot more. As Kelly sings, I wonder if it shows.

It’s complicated, it always is
that’s just the way it goes
Feels like I’ve waited so long for this
I wonder if it shows?

This blog will chronicle my efforts at personal renewal in the middle of the worst economic period in a hundred years, as I at 51 years old, with a crap job, no home, no future, no wife, no girlfriend, no home I own, no dreams, work to reclaim all of these things.




Now I'm going to have that beautiful life that I should have had. And I 'm going to be dancing the whole way To all you single girls, I learned my lesson, I shoulda put a ring on it.