Monday, October 26, 2009

Break up songs

I think the first break up song I "got" was Gloria Gaynor's I will survive, recently covered by the Pussycat Dolls.
I think a vital part of moving on after a break up is the self affirmation. Whitney Houston sings it real nice:

It's not right but it's okay
I'm gonna make it anyway
Pack your bags up and leave
Don't you dare come running back to me
It's not right but it's okay
I'm gonna make it anyway
Close the door behind you
Leave your key
I'd rather be alone than unhappy

But I'm gonna make it anyway. Because my soul is just that good, and any good woman is going to feel my soulshine and know that with just one touch... she'll wipe that past away.....
Self affirmation, knowing you love yourself makes it so much easier to stride right into your future. The future is where I'll find the woman who has that one touch...

Sunday, October 25, 2009

I meant it, I'll love you fore ever

And it still holds true. After all thats happened in life, my first true love has stayed with me for over 20 years. That crazy intense pure love you showered me with is still there, in a special place, nice and safe. I'll carry that love with me as I move forward, as I love again, and again.

I've put you up on a pedestal, and then knocked you down. But when all is said and done I've loved, hard fast pure and true. I recognize the same in other couples, not all, some, and its not rare, but its not common. And its something I experienced after only dating you for a few months. Intense pure love.

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

I know these things are real.

Mujer latina son las más bellas del mundo Me considero una persona muy alegre. La edad de un hombre de la apertura de la puerta del coche de su fecha, y teniendo en su mano cuando sale no es una época pasada. Como ya someterse a una renovación personal, recuperar mis sueños, el papel de los dados del romance, en medio de la peor crisis económica en 70 años sigo siendo impulsado a diario en mi búsqueda del amor verdadero, puro.

Some disparate points:
This summer I started a period of renewal for me. I believe in love at first sight, it happened to me once, though it took me 4 dates to realize it, :-). I was raised by a single mom and I only want the kind of 50/50 emotional relationship she ultimately found and still enjoys to this day. I want that higher level of communication, where phrases, and body language can mean whole paragraphs, and that results in no arguing. I want to find a woman who has a beautiful heart & soul, a soul that has a pleasant flavor.

I've had these things before, I know they are real. All this, a great smile, incredible eyes, hips & legs will start a fire in my mind body and soul.

Monday, October 19, 2009

Sweet anticipation. Waiting for tonight, When you would be here in my arms

Waiting for Tonight by J-LO. I listened to this song on the radio the other day, it was played right after Kim Sozzi's "Feel your Love Tonight" and the dual themes of renewal and the knowledge that I love and will be loved, brought me to tears of joy.

Like a movie scene
In the sweetest dreams
I have pictured us together
Now to feel your lips
On my fingertips
I have to say is even better
Then I ever thought it could possibly be
It's perfect, it's passion, it's setting me free
From all of my sadness
The tears that I've cried
I have spent all of my life

Waiting for tonight, oh
When you would be here in my arms
Waiting for tonight, oh
I've dreamed of this love for so long

I want that higher level relationship based on a higher level of communication, where phrases, and body language can mean whole paragraphs. I want to find a woman who has a beautiful heart, a beautiful soul, a soul that can please me.

I've had these things before, I know they are real. All this, a great smile, incredible eyes will start a fire in my mind body and soul.

The age of a man opening the car door for his date, and taking her hand as she steps out is not a bygone era. As I undergo a personal renewal, reclaim my dreams, role the dice of romance, in the middle of the worst economic crisis in 70 years I remain buoyed daily in my search for true, pure love.

So ladies if this 51 year old man (who can pass for mid 30's, 32 inch waist, 170#'s, 5ft 11) seems remotely like your thing, then seek me out, I could be showing up at your front door on a rainy evening with my umbrella as we make our way to a night of dancing.

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Getting over that old flame

I hadn't really thought about Michele much over the years, but the summer of my epiphany brought back much in the way of memories, desires, blame and regrets. I wondered when it would end, and this week it started to fade. The bad news is the girl I experienced pure true blue love with, willingly walked into an abusive relationship, years later divorced and looks to be dating a man built like her father, who taught her that abusive behavior is love, in the first place.

That is not the beautiful girl I knew. Its real hard to desire her, as gorgeous as she looks at 48 years old.

Today I spent the whole day thing about this girls profile at, 49 years old, shes from Long Island, my old stomping grounds, but 40 miles from Montclair NJ. But now I'll have to pay for a membership, just so I can send her a message.

Monday, October 5, 2009

A song of renewal by Kim Sozzi

Former Mynt singer and solo artist Kim Sozzi has a strong hit on the dance charts. Sozzi shows her song writing chops with a touch of melancholy in her lyrics reminiscent of the of Everything But The Girl's "The Desert Miss The Rain", but Sozzi starts at a darker place before the story of renewal unfolds:

All that time alone made me go insane
Wasn't hard to see i had lost control

After reliving every traumatic emotional experience in my life, over and over, during the summer of 2009, I wasn't sure I was sane during this process, I couldn't control it, it was just triggered and the process flowed thru me, cleaning out 2 decades+ of emotional baggage in just 6 weeks. Every old girl friend finally started to become a ghost, every dirty trick my father pulled on me became faded.

Holdin on to pain made it hard to breathe
Couldnt get away from my memories

I realized my memories of my first pure true love Michele had held me back from ever achieving that same higher level relationship with another woman. And the best way to put those memories in their place is to make some new memories:

Then you wiped my tears with your soothing touch and you flew my past away

Sozzi describes how a "touch" took her memories away, I'm taking this as good advice, no regrets, no more blaming me or others, just me, a new man moving forward with a good emotional base

Wanna leave the past behind..

Kim Sozzi will be performing at the Empty Bottle Saloon in Middletown New York on October 16th, 2009.

Saturday, October 3, 2009

An acoustic version of When Love takes over

Kelly Rowland performs an acoustic version of "When Love Takes Over" at the Biz Sessions for The Sun UK.

Recorded 15th June 2009 in London, UK

While over at

I've been stuck in a rut, living my own Ground Hog day.

Monday morning July 27th I had a dream. I was in an apartment building and this guy was helping me look for my old first true love, Michele. He told me she lived in the building. Everyone who lived in this building were all girls that were 5 foot four with dark hair. One by one variations of my old flame were walking into the building. I woke up very disturbed, it was an extremely powerful dream. I realized what a total waste I had been, as I must have been in denial, and never faced the facts. I got very pissed at myself.

This was the start of an emotionally powerful sequence that had me on the rocks, not sure if I was losing my grip on reality. 30 years of bad experiences pounded me into the sand, like I was at the beach and the waves were overwhelming me.

September 15th I came up for air.

A story of personal renewal

I am a new man, during my 51st summer I learned to love myself. Kelly Rowland's song "When love takes over' is now my song, her song has become my anthem about beating that little boy with bad self esteem. I threw him under the bus, hopped in the bus and pulled K-turns over him until he was paste, his ghost still haunts me, but only rarely.

Love has taken over my life, love for myself. I'm smiling a lot more. As Kelly sings, I wonder if it shows.

It’s complicated, it always is
that’s just the way it goes
Feels like I’ve waited so long for this
I wonder if it shows?

This blog will chronicle my efforts at personal renewal in the middle of the worst economic period in a hundred years, as I at 51 years old, with a crap job, no home, no future, no wife, no girlfriend, no home I own, no dreams, work to reclaim all of these things.

Now I'm going to have that beautiful life that I should have had. And I 'm going to be dancing the whole way To all you single girls, I learned my lesson, I shoulda put a ring on it.